A Bruneiyuki’s Emotional Baggage!

Time flies so fast. It was just last year I was dreaming of my upcoming vacation in the Philippines; I can’t hardly wait with the momentous event of “once again” being reunited with my loved ones. Now, that dream is finally over. I’m back in Brunei. I’m back in my own reality. Although my stay in the Philippines was super short (two weeks and 3 days), the memories are huge enough to rejuvenate my mind and body and keep me running on the fasttrack.

Now, let me rekindle all the happy encounters I had when I went home to my beloved Pilipinas.

A few days before I had my vacation, my mind was afloat. Half of it was already on vacation mode, while half of it, struggling to finish some errands in the office. Nevertheless, I was so ecstatic and overjoyed. I told myself, finally, after a year and 1 month of homesickness and hardwork, I would be given the chance to grab the ticket to genuine happiness – be with my family and friends.

What was ironic on my preparations, I was excited yet I was a bit lethargic to pack my things. Believe it or not, I just packed my stuffs on the eve of my flight. Plus, I bought all the pasalubongs to my family and friends on the same night. Call it a rush or cramming, I definitely enjoyed it. To me, it lessened the “burden” of being so overjoyed. Burden because, too much excitement would not allow a space for me to fall asleep.  At least, after I fixed my luggage, I got tired and ended up in a sweet sleep.

On the day of my flight, I had a good and packed breakfast. While eating with Cecil, I still kinda felt the “surrealism.” That’s been a year, I said to myself in surprise. It seems like yesterday Cecil and I arrived in Brunei and now we’re here ready to go for a grand vacation, a follow up statement in my mind. Indeed, time flies soooooo fast.

The moment we finished our food, we dressed up and waited for Shiela and Soc to pick us up and bring us to the airport. Soon they arrived, cheering us on our much-awaited moment.

While I was on the car, my mind was driving me crazy. There were fireworks of thoughts. First, I was so joyous with the fact of going home and seeing my family and friends. Second, I was nervous because of the adjustment I had to take on my vacation. This is because of the stories I heard from previous Pinoy employees who adjusted terribly with the Philippine’s traffic and noise. Third, I was checking on my budget if it’s enough. Reality check, it all boils down with the expenses. But, I trashed that thinking. I have to enjoy and be with my family, that’s what I confirmed. Fourth, I was pondering on processing my Open University application. And fifth, I was drowned in weighing my how my life would run in the next two weeks. On top of that, I was looking forward to my family’s summer getaway – to bask under the sun at the famous white sand beach of the Philippines, BORACAY! Plus, for a person who never set foot on the glorious island and would be given a chance to experience the island’s beauty, I guess, it’s a blessing to be thankful for.

Soon, the plane departed. But before that, as a patron of excess baggage, yeah, I did it again. I paid 58 brunei dollars for my baggage. I got 4 kilos of excesses!

I was already in the plane. Seated beside me was an old white woman. Although she’s talking to me in bullets, the words never registered in my mind. Indeed, my mind had gone back in the Philippines.

After one hour and 45 minutes, the people in the plane, who are mostly Filipinos, started to make noise while peeping on their windows. To my curiosity, I checked on what they’re looking below. OMG! It’s the Philippines. Then I saw the gargantuan SM Bicutan from above. And from there, I said to myself, finally this is it.

But the reality didn’t sank that fast. Not until I collected my baggage and walked on the aisle of NAIA. I was so shocked. The people were talking in tagalog. The people came in droves. No women wearing Tudong. The images were so Pinas that it slapped the surrealism in me, a bit.

As I push the trolley with my baggage and set out on the waiting area, there I saw my family waving at me. The smile plastered on their faces was incomparable. Kuya Eamon, Jepjep, my cousin Lot and papa fetched me.  

As soon as the high-pitched voices of my family embraced me, I affirmed I was totally HOME.

Taking EDSA was such a joy ride on our way home. The authentic scenarios reminded me of my birthplace. There were the swerving vehicles, the shallow roads with pink urinals of the MMDA, the touted buwayas traffic the road, the left-handed cars, the people crossing the road everywhere, the sidewalk vendors, the gypsy woman, the huge billboards, SM Megamall, the tall buildings in Ortigas defining Manila in its urban vibe, the jeepneys, the tricycles, the outrageous buses, the pollution, the footbridges, the churches, and many more which I missed a lot. I even laughed inside the car when we’re sandwiched in traffic along EDSA. All of these, only in the Philippines, I thought.

After an hour and a half of travel from the airport, we reached our house – home sweet home. I stepped into our house. Nothing had changed aside from some sections of our house were dusty. Plus, a few floor tiles were broken. Overall, it’s the same walls, floors and ceiling who witnessed my ups and downs in life.

Soon, Manang came out from her room and prepared a merienda. Nice, spaghetti! It was cooked by my younger brother Jepjep. Yumyum. It was just strange at first to eat with my family. That’s because, back in Brunei, I used to eating alone in my room at dinner time, or sometimes, I enjoyed lunch time with my Filipino mates. This time, it was the bestest merienda I ever had for the past year.

On one hand, one thing I immediately did when I arrived in our house was to utter a prayer in front of the urn of my mom. Honestly, I felt like, she was in our house. I knew she would be very proud and happy to see me. Frankly, I missed her so much.

I also checked on my room. Nothing had changed. Great. My books were complete and unharmed. My clothes were in order. Truly, Papa never let anyone used my room. It kept untouched for a year. Obviously, the dusts were the resident of it for a time. Strangely, now, it’s me.

It took me a while to absorb the new reality I was engaged with. On my first night, I didn’t turn off the lights. I was adjusting, everything was dreamlike.  On the side, I checked on my schedule, then, composed my plans and… yeah, budget. Nevertheless, I threw all my apprehensions, anxiety and fears. With the two weeks vacation I have, I should not let each seconds, minutes or hours passed by without doing nothing, I told myself.  And so, I set myself into the wilderness of my beloved Pilipinas.

Normally, the first friday of the month is known for first Friday masses that we Catholics should observe, however, as a deviation, with an energetic and all-out UP super friends boogie and liberty around to pamper one Friday evening, I ended up competing with the singing angels in heaven. Obviously, Boogie, Libs, and I went wild and wacky in rendering versions of our favorite songs in Music 21. But of course, before the ala-concertio session, taking a grand and heavenly dinner at Heaven and Eggs in Trinoma was an effective energy booster to sustain a night of fun and music!

Oh! the same night, while waiting a room at Music 21, I sang a song in the lobby. Yours truly belted out a personally stylized rendition of "I’d Rather" and was again asked for a second song - Martin Nievera’s "Say that you love me." Hearing applause, the experience moved me to appreciate more my talent and made me realize how I’m effective in entertaining people. Hence, hopefully, I can maximize my singing talent in the future and I mean seriously bigtime. King Bolkiah of Brunei, brace yourself for the next singing sensation is set to turn your country in musical mayhem!hahahaha

catch all the pictures on http://earvs.multiply.com/

January 30, 2005 - my mom joined our dear Lord in heaven. It was the saddest day in my life and for my family.

It’s been two years now since my mom passed away and honestly, I really miss her. I miss her smiles, her embrace, her sweet words, her comforting advices, her melodious singing voice, her prayers and guidance before we go to school or work, her after the sunday mass suman and puto, her pasalubongs, her generousity, her healing hands, her charisma,her positive outlook in life, her strong character, her all-out support to our interests and hobbies, her infectious laughter, her bestselling stories, and most of all, her undying love for each and everyone of us.

I know that when God took her from our family two years ago, God had a purpose. I was surprised. I got confused. I was left in pain. I grieved a lot to the point that I even got depressed. It’s as if my dreams were all shattered because my number one fan, consultant, and bestfriend left me in this world - clueless and young. And then eventually, from denial, I slowly accepted my mom’s passing. It takes months and even a year for me to recover. Every week seemed to be a year of loss. It’s really hard and painful but with the help and comfort from my family, I was able to stand up again, dream, and eventually live to make the best out of life and make my mom proud.

Losing her in our family was so devasting. She was the life of our family. She was the binding element. She was our thread. But her passing also changed the way our family deal with each other and to God. We became closer. 

My mom was my constant companion in all my endeavors. She was always there to cheer me up, make the biggest appluase in competitions i’m part of, and be the first to boast to her friends what achievements I got - be it in academics or in singing. In short, she inspired me to be the best I can be and made me to become a good person.

My mom made me a better person. Her generosity was so infectious and it moved me. She proved to us that our real treasures in this world are not the material things we acquire but rather the simple and good deeds we make for others. Her  ctive participation in any outreach or medical mission in our church, her unselfish service, and her dedication to reach out to the needy are reasons why I really idolize her. She was an inspiration to her friends and a source of strength for me.

My mom taught me to be closer to God. She helped me find the way towards contentment with our dear Lord.She ingrained to me the significance of God in our life. Teaching me to pray the rosary was her first step in making that happen. And I thank her for that because through prayers, I became more stronger and positive in life despite all the challenges.

I know that my mom is already happy and at peace with our dear Lord. I know that she’s up there watching our family. She may be physically gone but she will always be forever in my heart.

With the bubbly personality  I have, maybe some would say that I have fully recovered from my mom’s passing. Yes, I feel better now but the feeling of loss will always be there. It’s as if there’s something lacking. Actually, just to cope up with the often visit of loneliness, I choose to lessen reminiscing our moments together because the impact is really ripping my heart. By simply looking at her pictures, tears start to fall down on my cheeks. And it only shows how up to now, I really miss her. I miss the days we would surpise her on her birthday, I miss celebrating mother’s day, and most especially, I miss our vacations and picnics with her around preparing everything- from food to fun activities.

I do not question God. For the past two years, I have already trashed all the questions in my mind. I have fully accepted mom’s fate and I thank her for everything. Giving her flowers and offering her prayers are some of our ways to thank all the good things she did for us.

Afterall, my mom really never left me alone, rather, she left me with a big heart. I am here to continue her legacy and show the world she brought into the world a god-fearing and talented person. Thank you mama!

On the other hand, I know that If she’s alive, she’ll be very proud of me getting this job from Brunei and so I offer her this wonderful gift from God. Let me again make her proud.

Mama, I miss you and I love you!

Finally, with a heightened anxiety, fear, and paranoia slowly paralyzing my mind, I got the results of my physical examination and good news….I passed!!! Yes, I passed! And so, again. I want to thank our dear Lord for this wonderful blessing. I really cannot ask for more.

On the side, the healthy result from my physical examination means that I have two to three weeks left to be with my family and friends here in the Philippines. And so, as early as now, I’m already preparing myself to all the avalanching tight and hectic get together/ despedida I have to attend before I leave the country. Of course, I promise myself that I won’t miss any get together or simple kitaan with friends because I will be out in the country for two years. Since the moment I texted some of my friends about this good news, text messages of where and when to meet started to came in. Also, as soon as I opened my YM, online friends inquired and bombarded me with my despedida plan. As a result, my thumbs did all the work and here I am holding the calendar and trafficking the schedules! 

Another thing that immediately occupied my consciousness the moment I got the results was the reality that I’m leaving my family and relatives soon. There will be no more afternoon strolls at SM fairview duringf saturdays, no more window shopping and bargain shopping during sundays, and no more bonding on special occasions. But then again, looking on the brighter side of things, with the advent of this opportunity, I may be able to provide my family a different kind of happiness if I’ll be successful abroad or just the mere of working there and saving enough for future career options - have my our own family business perhaps. First thing, I promise to help my family especially now that my father has just recently retired from work. Though he’s not obligating me to share a part in the finances, still, he can’t stop me from helping as a way of thanking him for all the support he had provided us. Second, I would be able to help my brothers to hopefully land a job abroad. That  goes  with my closest friends as well. Obviously, I’m leaving not only as a Bruneiyuki-to-be with a dream but also as a Job hunter for my family, relatives,and friends! hahaha! And third, get the experience I’ve always been dreaming in the advertising world and eventually in the near future get a spot in the Academe and impart knowledge. Sounds too ideal? I believe that is my mission in this world. So be it.

I will surely miss my family, relatives, friends, and everything about my mother country - the food, the culture, the rich traditions, the values, and most especially, the traffic! Thus, to cope that feeling of "homesickness," let me bring with me all the happy and glorious memories I have and will have til the day I get on the plane and for a moment bid farewell to my loved ones.

Since the day of my departure is soon to happen, I’m already preparing the things I have to put in my luggage. In fact, I’m already on the verge of checking which items are beneficial to bring, which items I can live without for a month or two, and which things I can live without for two years. With a maximum of 20 kilos for a luggage and 7 kilos for a hand carry, I’m defnitely pressured to pick the useful things! Because any excesses mean extra charges and I don’t want that to happen.Of course, I need enough money to survive for a month in Brunei!

Likewise, with the endless possibilities and opportunities on my way, I’m very ecstatic and greatful to accept this once in a lifetime offer from our deal Lord. So be it!

My Next Move: To arrange my schedule to accomodate all get together invitations from the closest to the not so close friends.hahahaha. But one this is sure, I will be present to make each night complete and a blast! Oh! Let me not forget my camera to capture everything that will remind me how life is so damn good before I face and conquer Brunei!

POEA, here I come!

To all my dear friends, here’s an update on my brunei journey. I just finished the first phase of my medical examination and the results will be out on monday. Basically, this coming Monday will definitely and officially prove that I will be leaving the country. As we all know, anyone who wants to work abroad should pass the medical examination administered by the accredited clinics. And so, wish me luck! I’m just thinking positive that I will pass. On the other hand, tons of different thoughts flooded my mind on my way home. Imagine, if i’ll pass that medical examination, I have at least 2 weeks left to be with my family and friends. In short, I have to budget the remaining days! Plus, I’m still undecided if i’ll have a full blown despedida partee or just pocket get together with friends. Well, I’ll just figure it out after I got the results on my medical examination on monday. Goodluck to me! Surprisingly, what gives me the positivity after all these yearsis my faith in God! He gave me this gift and I wholeheartedly trust him whatever plans he has for me! So be it!

Finally, last January 8, 2007, while I was having my haircut at SM Fairview, I got a text message from my brother saying that he just recieved my working visa through UPS. Of course, though I’m still confused, I jumped for joy.I even hurriedly went home to check if my brother was not joking. And when I got home, honestly, the reaction on my face was really indescribable! I said to myself that finally I got my working visa from Brunei and everything is real!. I felt like losing my sanity because of the mixed emotions pouring! The feeling was just heavy that my blood pressure went wild! It really made my day ecstatic and glow yet I’m also kinda saddened because it only means that I have only a month left to spent time with my family, dear friends, and my mother country- ang mahal kong Pilipinas! However, though homesickness is expected to affect me as soon as I live the life of an OFW, The only things that are motivating me and giving me strength are the work experiences I could harbor which I could use as an advantage to apply to other countries and hopefull study abroad, the support from my family and friends, and most especially, my trust to God. I know that God will help, guide,and strengthen me on this new adventurous journey he gave me! I’m just lucky that eveything is taking into place slowly and surely. And as a thanksgiving to this wonderful gift, I offered a thanksgiving mass this sunday. I just felt blessed because I never thought this will come true and I will be given an oppurtunity to work abroad which I really never imagined. Through the internet’s aide, perseverance, and tons of fighting spirit, here I am, a step closer in fulfilling a mission in this world. Thank you God!

And so, the next steps are have my medical examination, file my papers at POEA, and wait for my plane ticket! Wish me luck!

          Normally, exchanging smiles and saying thank you are enough to show one’s appreciation to someone. However, this time, before the year officially ends, with few hours left before the year of the rat lands, allow me to thank those people who have made my life robust, colorful,and really memorable. I must admit, without them, my life would definitely be dull or even lifeless. Also, let me thank those individuals who for a short span of time made an impact in my life.By writing on this list those names, I would not only show them how thankful I am. I would immortalize these inspiring individuals who gave me direction, reason to live, reach for my dreams, fight for what I believe is right, and most especially, live my life to the fullest.

            So, before everyone goes gaga over their media noche and last minute shopping of fireworks (which the government doesn’t support), let me now present to all of you the people whom I really, certainly, and from the bottom of my heart, want to thank!

            First on the list, definitely, my father or Papa. Thank you Papa for all the support, for the understanding, for the moral support, and for the financial help especially in the lowest point of my career. You are very generous in providing me and my brothers the things we need and sometimes what we want. In short, you are a very responsible father. You always provide not only the materials things we need to cope in this mundane world, but also, the love, care, and comfort in times of despair and sadness. Plus, when mom died two years ago, you showed us how to fight, be strong, and slowly accept mom is already happily reunited with our dear Lord. It was in those moments that I idolized you and even up to now. You will always be my source of inspiration and I promise to make you proud of me. Thank you very much for all the things you’ve done. In fact, I’m very thankful to God he gave me you as my father.

            Mama. Thank you mama for guiding me and giving me the strength I need especially in times of giving up or simply losing hope. I know you are already happy and in peace with our Lord. You will always be here in my heart.

            Kuya. Though we never talk that much, keep in mind that I’m always thankful you are my brother.  Thank you for bringing joy by simply cleaning and maintaining our cars (which you always do except now that Bunso has already learned the art of cleaning). You know that I’m not really into cars but of course, you can depend on me on cleaning our house and rearranging it. Thank you for being a strong person especially when you had your break-up. In fact, I am proud of becuse instead of locking yourself inside your room because of the shattering event in your life, you stand up and fight. I”m even more happier when you finally got a job which we all now a blessing from God and a way for you to prove that you can land in job if you will only persevere. Goodluck and I wish you the best! More power Kuya!

            Bunso. Thank you for always making me smile. Thank you for all the jokes you throw on me even sometimes I am in my most harrassed and monster state. Thank you also for handling all my computer-related needs such as fixing the computer whenever it is infected with viruses, reformatting the PC because I need it badly, for guiding me in buying the best laptop I could ever get (but you know, the price of the laptop is killing me!hahaha), and for recovering all my files which you know I can’t live without. With all of those help, thank you very much! Plus, thank you for listening with all my whining and problems. Thank you very much!

            Manang. Thank you preparing my lunch, for making sure my clothes are clean and well-ironed, for preparing breakfast, for cleaning the house, and most especially (the part which I enjoy most) for sharing with us the latest chika or chismis about our neighbors here in Lagro. The buzz or showbiz central should hire you because you really have the talent in getting information! In fact, even before a gossip explodes in our neighrborhood, you already know it! Unbelievable! You’re proving everyone that time management is the key to a gossip-packed lifestyle! Above all, thank you for delivering the things we need at home!

            Sheree. My pinsan. Thank you for being my church buddy every Sunday, my shopping buddy every after mass, and my official secretary  and chika mate in updating me on what is happening to every member of the family. Thank you for bringing job inside our house because of all your funny and sometimes out-of-this-world statements. Thank also for your patience in my mood swings (which mostly happens all the time) and for understanding every member of the Cabalquinto family. Thank you for preparing the dining table, for washing the dishes, and cooking midnight snacks . Thank you also for all the adjustments you made especillay living with our family and in your job as an administrative assistant in a perfume company. Plus, I will never forget our divisoria get-away. 

            Auntie Susan. You know that from the beginning, I’ve already treated you as my mom. Thus, this time, I would like to thank you for providing us the warmth and care a mother would give to her children. Thank you for being strong and for heloing me cope with Mama’s passing. I know it’s been hard for all of us but through our phone conversations, I was able to recover from such depression and sooner, I slowly accepted Mama’s passing. Thank you for all the inspiration and help.

            Lotlot. My pinsan. Thank you for all our lakwatsa and meryenda at Ortigas. It helped me to  dream again and be happy. It also taught me to balance life by working hard and learning to relax.

            Joy. My pinsan. Thank you for showing me the beauty of life. I will  never forget our chitchat moments on your lovelife and your sister’s. I wish you more love and happiness in your new love life.

            Stacey. My brother’s girlfriend. Thank for being so humble and cheerful. Thank you for embracing our family with all your heart. And most of all, thank you for making my brother contented.

            Now, let me thank my loud and sparkling friends.

            Liza. Thank you very much for always being there whenever I needed someone who will share with me my high and low moments. Thank you for pushing me to believe in myself, work hard, and show the world that I can be the brightest star I could ever wish for. I will surely miss our night outs! Thank you for being genuine!

            Peluch. Thank you for having a golden heart. Your words really inspire me especially in those times I needed encouragement. Through our chatting and simple lunch get-together, I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for believing in me and tapping my shoulder whenever I feel like crying. Thank you very much and God bless!

            Ces. Thank you for joining our night out and sharing with me your soon-to-be bestselling “love story”. I salute your frankness , your strong personality, and of course, bravery!

            Joh and Joy. Though we may not see oftenly, both of you are always there to keep me smiling by mere sending text quotes or writing a comment on friendster. I hope we could meet before I leave and work abroad.

            Elmi. My chika partner, divisoria buddy, and my EDTECH 201 classmate! Our personality really blend! Thank you for laughing at my jokes though it may sound “korny,” for introducing me my Ugly Betty which later turned to be an addiction for me, for our strolls in SM north, food trip at the Block (My family love Frostings’ cup cakes!), for some late night preparations for our EDTECH 201 reporting which turned out to “outshine” the rest (yabang!), for our Divisoria adventure, the job hunting in the internet during our EDTECH 201 class, our okrayan kay Ms. Tapia, our dinner cum chismisan at Jollibee or in some food carts in UP, our tambays in your house, our laugh trip with your sister and my Mam Elyrah, my fortune telling session with your Mama, and most especially, for being a clown and sending me many laughters  in the most unexpected moment. Thank you very much boogie! Thank you for being a real friend! I will surely miss everything!

            Alpha Philcoa: norms, biboy, angel, tina, joem,lynda, and diana. Thank you for making my first semester in UP wonderful and unforgettable. I will surely miss our dinner at any Philcoa fastfood. Thank you also for making me laugh and learn. I really enjoyed every reportings, class discussions, games, etc. Diana and Lynda, I will surely miss our chismisan on our way home. Please keep me updated with your “love life.”

            Media 210 adn 220 class. Thank you for making my first semester in graduate school manageable, enlightening, and enjoyable. Thank you very much Mam Betsy and Mam Armi for demystifying myths, breaking false consciousness, and making me critical/literate in digesting my mass media diet. 

Ate ja. Thank you for helping me process my papers for my certificate of employment especially in signing memos and documents. Thank you also for inviting me to attend the christmas party of At Home Ka dito. Sobrang enjoy! I just love the cam whoring part of the parteeeee!

Tet, Ana, Ate hervie, Ate izah, and dhee. Thank you for sharing with me your precious time amidst your hectic schedules. Thank you for digesting my thoughts, listening to my ideas, and comforting me in times of sadness, and laughing with me in times of losing my sanity.

Jen. Thank you for all the “rakets.” Thank you for having kilometric patience.

            School of Saint Anthony. Thank you for continuously recognizing my efforts and inspiring me to give nothing but my best. I promise to continuously share my god-given talents and always keep my feet on the ground.

            Jill. Thank you very much for all the “rakets” and your sweet words. I’m very grateful I was able to work with you. I learned a lot from you and you proved me that there are “real” people in this industry and that is you.

            Bheng, Pia, and Froi. Thank you for all your text quotes which brighten my day. A sheer hello, kamusta, and good night really touch my heart. I feel every appreciated and valued!

            Anya, Agatha, April, Kyke, and Ethel. Thank you for bringing bundle of joys, hope, and strength.

            Asian Center for Foreign Languages. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to work with your school.

            IM Graphics Design Studio. Thank you for believing in me and hiring me as a copywriter. I’m just excited working there in Brunei.

            Socorro. As early as now, let me thank you for all the sweet and exciting words. I’m looking forward working with you in Brunei.I’m sure, we’ll blend!

            Karol. Thank you for guiding me in all the requirements needed for my document processing in Brunei. I hope someday we can meet so I can personally thank you!

            And to God. Thank you very much for giving me a life to live. Thank you for giving me a supportive family and friends. Thank you for this wonderful year. Thank you for helping me dream again, believe in myself, and fight! Thank you for inspiring me, showing me the light, and most especially, giving me a purpose in life. Thank you very much!

            They are the wind beneath my wings.They give me strength to fly. They are the reason why I dream and fight. They are my source of inspiration and they make life worth living!