A Bruneiyuki’s Emotional Baggage!

A star is born on June 18!

By Earvin Charles B. Cabalquinto

            Few days from now, to be exact on june 18, I’ll be turning 25! If I’m destined to die at age 50, this is my mid-life age which according to traditions, I should be celebrating my special day with a color motif of silver! And I thought, it should not just be the ordinary color silver, but rather, it should be metallic and striking to best represent the happiness and state of nirvana I’m having right now amidst all the obstacles I have surpassed for the past year! But since I’m not a believer of such tradition and I really deviate from the norms, I would like to celebrate my special day not only tied in the color motif but more importantly in a very extraordinary, unforgettable and quirky way! And how would that be? Well, I’m still on the verge of mapping it out! But for now, reflecting on the year that has passed and with the dawning of a new self, now that I’m turning 25, well, let me share the bits and pieces of my life that I’m really thankful, grateful and blessed about;

1. First, I’m very grateful having my ever supportive and encouraging family around me. They are my joys, my happiness and my source of inspiration that keeps me going and striving to be best that I can be. Moreover, they mold me who I am right now – god fearing, principled and very human. My existence in this world would not be complete without them, for they are the wind beneath my wings. Soar high Earvs!

2. I have a lot of super friends who really stood by me during my breakdown moments. And without them, I might have lost my spirit to move on, start again and be positive in life. Thanks to Liza and Pelucci for bringing back the happy face and optimistic self in me. They are my tissue papers and shock absorbers during the low and depressing chapter of my life. They have made me realize life has to go on and instill to me that I need to be strong to face life’s greatest challenges for there are more and extreme challenges to come. In fact, our get together sessions have helped me slowly overcome my anxieties and in way has become a therapy to totally trash away my fears and sadness in life. The Puerto Galera get away (with the mindoro sling, pasalubong shopping and long walks at the beach as the highlight on the fantastic adventure!) , the countless dinner and chikahan night out, the ace water spa bonding, and more to come, have truly strengthened, moved and changed my whole self. Now, I can be me whenever I’m with them: worry free and just me! Cheers to a wonderful and lifetime friendship! Of course, I would also like to thank sexbomb Joy and Joh for always being there whenever I need comfort and someone to share my problems with. In fact, they are my antidote to self-inflicted emotional drama. Even though we don’t see much because of their busy schedules, still, the string of friendship is treasured and we make it to a point that if given a chance to have a get together, we maximize it and make each moment of premium value. I have proven that Joh and Joy inside the block circle are my real friends who never left me especially during my melancholic and sorrowful state. I will never forget the picture taking moments during at one of our night out. Truly liberating! Also, I would like to thank Ate Ei for all the phone conversations and advices she shared with me. With that, I have regained my strength and relived a new found direction in life – a life full of hope and dreams. She has proven to me that nothing beats hard work, dedication and passion to reach one’s ambition and champion life’s trials. With that, I have found a model that I can emulate and get my inspiration from if I’m feeling lost and alone. And last but not the least, my perfect adviser, none other than, Elmi or Boogie – my problem absorber, me anti-insanity remedy, and my motivator to take my long overdue master degree. Elmi has taught me to be simple, humble and positive even if everything doesn’t fall into place. Since she knows everything about my career, she gives me the most idyllic and sound advises and striking words to jolt me in my “harassing” professional life. For that, from a cluttered past, now I’m enjoying a clearer present – a jovial phase and worthy path.  Also, thank you for prodding me to pursue my masters degree in UP, truly priceless! The laugh trips over the phone, the chit chats at Jolibag Philcoa, the tiring enlistment, strolls at UP with her Korean students, the SM north lakwatsa with Liberty and the upcoming Edtech class are just some reasons why life is so damn good and worth living! Thanks Elmi for sharing those wonderful moments! How can I forget the “nanlilimahid at namamahid” scene! They are my friends. They make my life colorful and meaningful. They make me strong. Moreover, they are God’s gift giving me all the reason in this world to appreciate life beyond what I expect. Without them, life is lifeless! And as I add another year in my age, I promise to keep them forever and ever! Amen! Also, i would like to thank my other "media" friends who stood by me! You know who you are! Big hugs!
3. I’m back in UP and its one of the greatest decision I’ve done after all the series of shocking, dream-shattering and life-changing events in my life. Actually, I’ve been planning to take my masters degree way back 2006, it is only now that I have the time and guts to apply and take all the time-eating requirements needed before getting into the program - the written examination and panel interview as proof of the said requirements! But now that I’m officially back in school, honestly, I’m very excited but a little scared because for all we know, the graduate program in media studies (Broadcasting) is very rooted to different theories or frameworks borrowed abroad. But then again, with a very open-minded character, I’m considering the program as a new endeavor where I can harness my skills in research and writing, be critical in what I produce as a writer and producer in the broadcast industry and not just creatively infusing cultural concepts with the market demands, and more importantly, as a stage where I can spread my wings and fly high as a media practitioner slash professor of mass communication. Honestly, I’m really eyeing a position in the academe because I really want to teach the young and uncorrupted minds, most especially guide and warn them, and also unleash a streak of vigilance among them to utilize media in a positive, useful and critical way. I have experienced the network’s culture and I don’t want them to experience that filthy and disillusioning television world. I just wish, banking on my dedication, passion and vision, I can successfully finish my master’s degree in two to three years time and eventually pursue a Phd in Philippine Studies with concentration on mass media (television). For me, this is the beginning of a trailblazing and meaningful journey! Now that I found my purpose in life – to acquire knowledge and share that knowledge to everyone - I won’t let anyone take it away from me! Wish me luck! Cheers to that!

4. Slowly, I have accepted the passing of my mom. With the help and support from my family, relatives and friends, I’m confident enough to say that I have bit by bit accepted reality. I know that whatever plans I may pursue in life, she would always be there to guide, strengthen and cheer me up! She will always be a part of my dreams and plans in life though physically she won’t be around, still, her presence will always stay here in my heart! I know she’s already happy wherever she may be right now, and I thank God for that. Of course they are times that I really miss her and all I can do is talk to her pictures, pray in front of her urn and include her in my prayers, but then again, I have to move on and be strong for myself and for the people around me.  Her passing taught me a lot of things: to fully understand the complexities of life, be more human and most especially, become closer to our dear Savior. True enough, everything happens for a purpose. What I am experiencing right now are just pieces of God’s master plan for me. So be it!

5. And lastly, I am very thankful because after all these years, God has never left me in misery and loneliness. Though I have had my share of problems, he really has helped me overcome those and made me a tough cookie. Aside from attending mass every Sunday and praying the rosary every night with my family, reading the book “A purpose driven life” everyday also has helped me a lot. In fact, I can really relate to the stories presented in the book that makes me reflect how blessed and lucky I am. There so much to complain in life (all questions bugging our minds like the overused why’s), but there’s even more we can do to trash all of those complaints and be productive and optimistic! I credit my co-writer Lea who is already in the States studying film, for giving me copy in 2005 at the funeral of my mom. Thanks Lea! I know, most people in my age encounters this so called “mid-life crisis,” a state of feeling lost and confused in what to do in life. I myself have been experiencing that up to this very moment. Maybe because I have expected a lot from this world I thought so comforting and ideal. Unfortunately, my perception of the real world has been cracked when I started working and earning money for myself while carving a career I have dreamed of. In short, I was disillusioned! It is only now that I’m again standing up and finding the direction I want to take. Here I am a freelancer of my choice because I really want to pursue my post-graduate degree. I want to have a flexible time so I can have the luxury to research and focus in my studies. But eventually, I would want to be back in the broadcasting industry and practice what I have learned from the academe- be more critical, independent and vigilant. For now, I’m just happy with my life –less pressured, more focused and with so much direction. Financial matter is another issue that needs to be addressed soon! As long as I’m with God, I have nothing to fear in life for he is my greatest companion, my best friend, my idol, my adviser, my navigator and my savior! For bringing back my joys and purpose in life, nothing I can ask more in this world as I turn 25! Happy birthday to me! Cheers for more laughs, dreams, and success in life!

On June 18, a star is born and waiting to be discovered. Witness as I present to the whole world a stronger, optimistic, and god-fearing me! Now, I am ready to face and embrace what life has to offer me! The past year has been a humbling experience! Cheers for more happy birthdays to come!

Last Tuesday, I woke up at around 9:30 AM not because I had to finish a script or whatsoever, but rather, I was very excited to catch the Miss Universe Pageant. Actually, I’ve been anticipating the extravagant show since the day Theresa Licaros, a Summa Cum Laude Broadcasting Communication graduate from the University in the Philippines Diliman, won the Binibining Pilipinas competition. Moreover, my hopes were very high for her because I could sense that she has what it takes to bring home the crown and make our country shine in the universe- beauty, talent, composure, and lots of brains! Also, I’m rationalizing on the possibility of someone “brilliant” like Ms. Licaros can possibly win such enormous competition. Unfortunately, she did not won the most coveted title however bagged the Ms. Photogenic award which was voted through the internet. Undeniably, this only shows how Filipinos are supportive of their “manok” or representative in any competition. Thanks to the backing and support from our countrymen!

Of course I did not spend the whole day reflecting on the outcome of the pageant. As the afternoon hit, I went to UP to process my medical and physical examination. Oh God! I’m feeling like a freshie again – inhaling the fresh breeze in the sunken garden, riding the ikot jeep and guess what, experiencing the tradition of mahabang pila. True enough, UP experience is not complete without the long lines and jeepney rides!

I immediately went at the infimary (infimatay for some) to have my physical and medical examination. There, I saw a lot of freshies, just like me, rushing to complete the admission requirements. Waiting in line, there I saw their innocent and “baka-malost-ako!” expression! Moreover, I heard lots of gossiping and sharing of thoughts tackling topics like what’s your course, from what province you came from, at what dormitory will you stay, and most especially the angelic courses to take and monster courses that one should avoid reaching or even exceeding maximum rule residency. Upon hearing these words, my undergraduate years started to flash back – the days of long walks and jeepney rides of going to our next class, the pig-out session in CASAA, beach house and even at mang jimmy’s (the only affordable place where you can have limitless rice), the group study and research with an overflowing chikahan session in the library (gen ref, filipiniana, and social sciences!), and most especially, the tambay and food trip gathering at any place in UP! I can’t deny that my UP life was so perfect and truly incomparable! Honestly, I did not just enjoy the education system in UP, but most especially, the culture – the matchless academic freedom, social equity and versatile system! Obviously, with that kind of love and inspiration that it sowed in me, here I am again, back to my comfort zone and in full circle to regain my strengths, harness my weaknesses and maximize opportunities! Finally, I’m back in UP and no one can stop me now. As for me, this is an adroit step yet concrete way in reaching my dreams of becoming a successful media practitioner. I am just overwhelmed because after some months of soul searching, finally, I have found my old self - positive, driven, and humble- and reincarnated myself back to where I really belong, UP kong mahal!

Actually, I did not plan to have my physical and medical examination at the Infirmary because honestly, I’m scared of the “bare all” type of physical examination. As I remember, during my undergrad application, I had my physical examination outside of the university because of such “fear” rooted from shyness to flaunt my “oversized” body. But now that I have a medium built body, I’m still afraid of the physical examination maybe because I’m not used to this type of examination – the doctor thoroughly checking every part of your body! Though yes a doctor will be examining you but the fear of doing that process together with some applicants is really embarrassing! But thank god, the doctor did not ask me to take off my clothes instead just asked me some questions. Maybe because I’m one of the last one he had to examine and his tiredness must had compelled him not to thoroughly examine my body. Thank god talaga! But then, aside from the physical examination, I also had my x-ray and dental examination. I finished at around 5 pm.

In addition to my examination adventure, the phase was light because luckily, I was with one of my future classmates in media studies also processing her physical and medical examination. Her name is Angel. She’s working in a shipping company doing PR. We almost spent our waiting hours getting to know each other (I got to know that she graduated in La Salle Dasma), sharing experiences in production (she worked in GMA for a year after before deciding to shift in a corporate setting) and also future plans ( I shared my plans of hopefully teaching mass communication and earning a Phd abroad)! In the end, we exchanged numbers and planned to take the enlistment on June 5 together.

After having a delightful afternoon with a new friend/ graduate school classmate and subjecting myself to such medical quest, I headed to Sentro ng Wikang Filipino to visit my friend and undergrad blockmate Eilene. Eilene, for everyone’s information has been working as a research assistant at the Sentro ng Wikang Filipino since we were college. In fact, with her innate writing skills, optimistic personality and passionate attitude, undoubtedly, she’s already considered one of the prime workers at the center – an editor of the UP Filipino Dictionary, literary books, and even grammar texts with some tutoring rakets on the side. Moreover, she’s been working with National Artists Rio Alma’s projects- traveling to some parts of the country to study and annotate each region’s culture, language and ethnicity- while doing administrative and academic works all in the same time.  Aside from that, Eileen is a breadwinner in their family. Superwoman di ba?

  The truth of the matter, I’ve been planning to meet Ate Ei (one of her moniker) for some months now whenever I have to go to UP, however, our schedule does not meet because she has a lot of work to attend to. So finally, last Tuesday afternoon, that long overdue plan was pushed through. And so, we met at the Sentro ng Wikang Filipino Office at around 5:30 PM. I guess she was editing a paper but just ignored it and chose to have a pre-chikahan session with me.

We planned to leave the office by 6:30. However, on our way out of her office together with her office mates, the rain started to pour heavily with lightning strikes on the side. We were just thankful because one of her officemates was fetched by her husband who owns a jeepney. We asked to just be dropped off at Vinzon’s Hall.

Unluckily, the heavy rain disrupted our chikahan session. Ate Ei and I did not take the jeepney instead we chose to get a cab to go to Philcoa. Obviously, we were both wet on our way to Philcoa to have our dinner slash kamustahan gathering. The streets were also flooded and lighting stroked so intense, and with these happenings, no wonder, the rainy season has officially started as the school year comes in full circle.

We decided to eat in Chowking. I ordered a lumpia lauriat while she had a beef wanton. Over our sumptuous food, we talked a lot of things.  After ordering a petite halo halo for both of us, we started to lay our cards. First we talked about her career at the Sentro and how she enjoys the privileges and skills she’s acquiring. Actually, I’m pushing her to pursue a teaching career in the Filipino department that other professors also tell her to. Secondly, we updated ourselves on our blockmates career. And lastly, together with the  heavy rains, lightning, increasing floods causing impassable roads, ate Ei shared her present relationship with a “heartthrob” guy  which is overshadowed by some priorities- like the demands of her career, and most especially playing the role of a breadwinner in her family.  I just advised her to check and balance her priorities. And as much as I wanted to throw follow-up questions, our conversation was interrupted by her mom’s call telling her that their place is already flooded and has lost power.  With that, we decided to cut our chit chat and decided to go home.

            With heavy rains and impassable roads, I was set on another adventure- my mission to go home! Just like any stranded person waiting for the rain to stop, there I was standing outside Mcdonalds Philcoa. I waited for almost an hour before I got to position myself and rode an FX! My new shoes were also baptized by the filthy waters in Philcoa! I safely arrived home at 9:30!

            In a nutshell, I have the luxury of time at the palm of my hands!  I am just happy with my life right now. At least I have the time to reflect on what I really want to do.  Going back to UP plus having real friends are just some of God given gifts. And so, here I am, fully charged in starting another fulfilling chapter in my life! Wish me luck!