Late afternoon, supposedly, I was to conduct the usual and "formal" class setting with my student. Unfortunately, the traditional classroom set-up and teaching treatment was changed when my student started conversing with some of the office staff which I thought his way of conveying to me that “hey, I really need a break and should start practicing what I’ve learned since day 1 in class.” Though there was no actual verbal agreement, I agreed to it and was very amenable because I won’t just have the luxury to "at least" relax my "throat" from talking and babbling, but also, I thought it could be an effective and interactive way for foreign students like Fred, my student and a US military guy, to learn and practice his Tagalog and eventually absorb it very well. And so, starting from 1 pm up to 5 pm, Fred was talking, and even flirting with the girls. I was just there guiding him on his vocabulary, translating every Filipino word the girls uttered, and helping him construct answers to various questions.
The interaction between the girls, my student and I was very interesting. We opened the conversation by throwing "getting-to-know each other questions." The girls were laughing and I was the loudest. I can’t help myself especially if my student would directly translate words like "cup cake" to "tasang keyk," "chicken sandwich" to "manok na tinapay," "what’s up" to "anong itaas," and my favorite "how sweet" to "paanong matamis!" With all of these words, I can’t help but advice my student to stop murdering the Filipino language coz we don’t do directly translation to “all” English words. In the end, my student obeyed and again picked up his spirit and created "out-of-this-world" questions. I was just there correcting his sentence structures and helping him understood what the people around him were uttering. Successfully, we consumed 4 hours making simple "slumbook" type of questions to crafting opinionated and vindictive statements.
One of the most interesting topics that I enjoyed most today is our conversation about the differences between the Filipino and American families’ values and beliefs. Actually, the topic was brought up when my student shared his thoughts on finding a girl who could possibly become his girlfriend or be his future partner. FYI, my student, age 43, a US military, divorced, has two children, is looking for "young" girls who could give him "pleasures." I just don’t know what kind of "pleasures" he is after. But one thing is for sure, he is on the look out for an ideal woman. And with regards to his qualifications or standards, according to him, he values on attitude, loyalty and honesty very much than physical beauty. And with those words, he slowly unveiled his sensational and heart warming stories of love. Through his storytelling, we knew that he had a Filipina girlfriend in 2002, 2006 and up to present who were all (in his words) young, immature, and inconsistent. He also affirmed that the immature attitude and erratic behavior were the main reasons of all his past break-ups. On the side, he also mentioned that he had a girlfriend who was a "cook" in a GRO club which made us surprised - a stereotypical scenario of a US military man dealing or engaging with women in night clubs. And so coming from that stereotypical imaging, we gave the most "hard-hitting" questions to really dig and know what he is “genuinely” up to. Eventually, the talk about the family surfaced.
Fred shared his views on some Filipino family values such as on the "utang na loob," the close family ties and the role of the eldest child in the family who "normally" plays the role of a breadwinner in the family because of the parent’s financial instability or severe poverty.
First, Fred told me that just like in US, they also have close family ties but not as "close" as we have. He said that the sole responsibility of the parents is to send their children to school so their children will be equipped with good education and soon land in a good paying which would sustain them and aide them survive in this world. But once their children reach the legal age of 18, the children are now compelled to be independent. Obviously, once the schooling of their children ends, the support from the parents also ends. On the other hand, here in the Philippines, based on his observation with the family of his "ex-filipina" girlfriends, even though the children is already 18 or married and had his/her own family, they are still dependent on their parents. Fred also added that in Korea, as an old tradition, the eldest child, married or single is obliged to live with his parents until her/his parents passing. He/She then inherits the house.
Second, Fred said that in US, the parents work hard so they can support their children finish school. But, they don’t just work for their children, working also functions as source of stability when they get old. He specifically emphasized that, US parents don’t send their children to school and soon land in a job so that their children could support them when they get old. US parents, in fact, give their children sound and competitive education so that their children can be independent. On the side, according to Fred’s observation, the Filipino parents send their children to school not only for their children to acquire a good and advanced life but more importantly, to be able to help them when they get old and the rest of the family - especially on financial aspects. In this context, he mentioned about how "utang na loob" as a Filipino family value can be both weighed as positive and negative. Positive in the sense that there is presence of commitment and support among family members which strengthen family relations, however, can also be viewed negatively because it impairs some family members reach their full potential or maximum capacity in living an independent and progressive life especially in the case of the breadwinner. Zooming in at the situation of the breadwinner of the family, obviously, he/she is enslaved by an invincible "obligation" which will totally chain him/her in giving the "good" life or "independence" or even "growth" he/she wants to achieve, for a time or worst, forever.
As evidence, Fred told us his ex-filipina girlfriend’s sacrifices and frustrations as a breadwinner of the family. Specifically, Fred shared how his girlfriend, the cook in a GRO club, helped her family, financed his brother’s education, and support every financial needs of her family. Sadly, in the end, her brother dropped out from school and even got his girlfriend pregnant. On the side, while my student was continuously saying all of his ex-GF’s tainted dreams, shattered hopes and depressing experiences, I reflected on how lucky I am to have responsible parents who really gave me and my brother’s each and every need. And up to now, my Dad never obliged us to take part in paying any bills (electric, water, phone, etc.). But of course my Dad always reiterates to us that we must save our money for our future and that if we want something, we should work hard for it. Going back to Fred’s narration, I realized how fortunate I am.
Then we came to talk about being responsible in handling finances. Actually, I was amazed when Fred told me that when he was in my age, he really never thought of saving and being focused in life until he reached his 30s because honestly, I’m a little “spendthrift.” Going back to his words, He got married when he was only 23 years old and wasn’t aware and know what he truly wants to become in life. All he knew then was to swipe his credit card a gazillion times, party all night long, and flirt and have sex with girls. Until he realized he needed to shape up. And while he was sharing all of those thoughts, I came to absorb some of his most striking advices on money. He said to me that even at a young age, I should save and prepare for my future. He also advised me to at least save 10 percent of my salary (his mother’s advice to him) and know exactly what I need and not be hypnotized by my wants. Of course, there’s a big difference between wants and needs. I think, wants maybe are forms of cravings or spur of the moment interests which cause impulsive buying and needs are "important" and basic needs and are mostly anchored to long-term goals. He also emphasized that lifestyle affects our control of our wants and needs. It’s like even though you are earning 20,000 pesos a month but if you don’t know how to differentiate and control your wants and needs, soon, you’ll end up penniless. Sadly, it is a reality most people are experiencing right now. It’s a biting reality we young adults are battling and coping for the longest time. I suppose, it is now time to discipline ourselves and monitor our finances strictly. Fred is right. I’m not getting any younger and soon, my age will jump out of the calendar.
In the end, some thoughts were encrypted on my mind:
First, I should be responsible with my finances. Saving 10 percent of my salary every month is a good practice.
Second, cultural differences emanate in how we view life. It is no doubt that American and Filipino Families are very much alike especially on aspects of values and beliefs such as utang-na-loob, close family ties, parents responsibilities, and siblings roles.
Third, it is a "stereotypical" image but “authentic” reality that old American guys look for young Filipinas to be their long-time partners. Fred has been very engrossed using the internet especially on chatting because it helps him find his "ideal" girl in a "virtual" world who could provide him "pleasures" (whatever would that be). Actually, I’m planning to expound this topic the next time we meet. hahaha
Fourth, some men like my student are experiencing a crisis called “mid-life crisis”. According to Fred, men his age are being enslaved by their anxiety to age alone (not financially of course). Plus, it is in their 40’s that men ( I don’t know if this "theory" applies to others) searche for things that will not remind them of old age but rather will validate and reinforce their imaginary "youthful" state. Obviously, most of them are very interested on dating with young girls, possessing hip and trendy cars, experimenting on sports, ectcetera or things that they might not enjoyed when they were young.
And lastly, there will always be a meeting point beyond our cultural differences. Though we may be divided by our views, values, opinions, perspectives or even objectives in life molded by subjectivity, in the end, we are all humans who endlessly comply or deviate from the norms or standards of the society. All we need is respect that differences and accept that there is no right or wrong answer whatever language we may opt to use. In the end, we are still the master of our lives. We are the author, the speaker or even the writer who has the power to put "the end" on every chapter of our complicated yet trailblazing lives!
Honestly, I just can’t wait for another mind-boggling sharing on love, family, money, or sex perhaps! Hahaha
