A Bruneiyuki’s Emotional Baggage!

Normally, the first friday of the month is known for first Friday masses that we Catholics should observe, however, as a deviation, with an energetic and all-out UP super friends boogie and liberty around to pamper one Friday evening, I ended up competing with the singing angels in heaven. Obviously, Boogie, Libs, and I went wild and wacky in rendering versions of our favorite songs in Music 21. But of course, before the ala-concertio session, taking a grand and heavenly dinner at Heaven and Eggs in Trinoma was an effective energy booster to sustain a night of fun and music!

Oh! the same night, while waiting a room at Music 21, I sang a song in the lobby. Yours truly belted out a personally stylized rendition of "I’d Rather" and was again asked for a second song - Martin Nievera’s "Say that you love me." Hearing applause, the experience moved me to appreciate more my talent and made me realize how I’m effective in entertaining people. Hence, hopefully, I can maximize my singing talent in the future and I mean seriously bigtime. King Bolkiah of Brunei, brace yourself for the next singing sensation is set to turn your country in musical mayhem!hahahaha

catch all the pictures on http://earvs.multiply.com/

January 30, 2005 - my mom joined our dear Lord in heaven. It was the saddest day in my life and for my family.

It’s been two years now since my mom passed away and honestly, I really miss her. I miss her smiles, her embrace, her sweet words, her comforting advices, her melodious singing voice, her prayers and guidance before we go to school or work, her after the sunday mass suman and puto, her pasalubongs, her generousity, her healing hands, her charisma,her positive outlook in life, her strong character, her all-out support to our interests and hobbies, her infectious laughter, her bestselling stories, and most of all, her undying love for each and everyone of us.

I know that when God took her from our family two years ago, God had a purpose. I was surprised. I got confused. I was left in pain. I grieved a lot to the point that I even got depressed. It’s as if my dreams were all shattered because my number one fan, consultant, and bestfriend left me in this world - clueless and young. And then eventually, from denial, I slowly accepted my mom’s passing. It takes months and even a year for me to recover. Every week seemed to be a year of loss. It’s really hard and painful but with the help and comfort from my family, I was able to stand up again, dream, and eventually live to make the best out of life and make my mom proud.

Losing her in our family was so devasting. She was the life of our family. She was the binding element. She was our thread. But her passing also changed the way our family deal with each other and to God. We became closer. 

My mom was my constant companion in all my endeavors. She was always there to cheer me up, make the biggest appluase in competitions i’m part of, and be the first to boast to her friends what achievements I got - be it in academics or in singing. In short, she inspired me to be the best I can be and made me to become a good person.

My mom made me a better person. Her generosity was so infectious and it moved me. She proved to us that our real treasures in this world are not the material things we acquire but rather the simple and good deeds we make for others. Her  ctive participation in any outreach or medical mission in our church, her unselfish service, and her dedication to reach out to the needy are reasons why I really idolize her. She was an inspiration to her friends and a source of strength for me.

My mom taught me to be closer to God. She helped me find the way towards contentment with our dear Lord.She ingrained to me the significance of God in our life. Teaching me to pray the rosary was her first step in making that happen. And I thank her for that because through prayers, I became more stronger and positive in life despite all the challenges.

I know that my mom is already happy and at peace with our dear Lord. I know that she’s up there watching our family. She may be physically gone but she will always be forever in my heart.

With the bubbly personality  I have, maybe some would say that I have fully recovered from my mom’s passing. Yes, I feel better now but the feeling of loss will always be there. It’s as if there’s something lacking. Actually, just to cope up with the often visit of loneliness, I choose to lessen reminiscing our moments together because the impact is really ripping my heart. By simply looking at her pictures, tears start to fall down on my cheeks. And it only shows how up to now, I really miss her. I miss the days we would surpise her on her birthday, I miss celebrating mother’s day, and most especially, I miss our vacations and picnics with her around preparing everything- from food to fun activities.

I do not question God. For the past two years, I have already trashed all the questions in my mind. I have fully accepted mom’s fate and I thank her for everything. Giving her flowers and offering her prayers are some of our ways to thank all the good things she did for us.

Afterall, my mom really never left me alone, rather, she left me with a big heart. I am here to continue her legacy and show the world she brought into the world a god-fearing and talented person. Thank you mama!

On the other hand, I know that If she’s alive, she’ll be very proud of me getting this job from Brunei and so I offer her this wonderful gift from God. Let me again make her proud.

Mama, I miss you and I love you!

Finally, with a heightened anxiety, fear, and paranoia slowly paralyzing my mind, I got the results of my physical examination and good news….I passed!!! Yes, I passed! And so, again. I want to thank our dear Lord for this wonderful blessing. I really cannot ask for more.

On the side, the healthy result from my physical examination means that I have two to three weeks left to be with my family and friends here in the Philippines. And so, as early as now, I’m already preparing myself to all the avalanching tight and hectic get together/ despedida I have to attend before I leave the country. Of course, I promise myself that I won’t miss any get together or simple kitaan with friends because I will be out in the country for two years. Since the moment I texted some of my friends about this good news, text messages of where and when to meet started to came in. Also, as soon as I opened my YM, online friends inquired and bombarded me with my despedida plan. As a result, my thumbs did all the work and here I am holding the calendar and trafficking the schedules! 

Another thing that immediately occupied my consciousness the moment I got the results was the reality that I’m leaving my family and relatives soon. There will be no more afternoon strolls at SM fairview duringf saturdays, no more window shopping and bargain shopping during sundays, and no more bonding on special occasions. But then again, looking on the brighter side of things, with the advent of this opportunity, I may be able to provide my family a different kind of happiness if I’ll be successful abroad or just the mere of working there and saving enough for future career options - have my our own family business perhaps. First thing, I promise to help my family especially now that my father has just recently retired from work. Though he’s not obligating me to share a part in the finances, still, he can’t stop me from helping as a way of thanking him for all the support he had provided us. Second, I would be able to help my brothers to hopefully land a job abroad. That  goes  with my closest friends as well. Obviously, I’m leaving not only as a Bruneiyuki-to-be with a dream but also as a Job hunter for my family, relatives,and friends! hahaha! And third, get the experience I’ve always been dreaming in the advertising world and eventually in the near future get a spot in the Academe and impart knowledge. Sounds too ideal? I believe that is my mission in this world. So be it.

I will surely miss my family, relatives, friends, and everything about my mother country - the food, the culture, the rich traditions, the values, and most especially, the traffic! Thus, to cope that feeling of "homesickness," let me bring with me all the happy and glorious memories I have and will have til the day I get on the plane and for a moment bid farewell to my loved ones.

Since the day of my departure is soon to happen, I’m already preparing the things I have to put in my luggage. In fact, I’m already on the verge of checking which items are beneficial to bring, which items I can live without for a month or two, and which things I can live without for two years. With a maximum of 20 kilos for a luggage and 7 kilos for a hand carry, I’m defnitely pressured to pick the useful things! Because any excesses mean extra charges and I don’t want that to happen.Of course, I need enough money to survive for a month in Brunei!

Likewise, with the endless possibilities and opportunities on my way, I’m very ecstatic and greatful to accept this once in a lifetime offer from our deal Lord. So be it!

My Next Move: To arrange my schedule to accomodate all get together invitations from the closest to the not so close friends.hahahaha. But one this is sure, I will be present to make each night complete and a blast! Oh! Let me not forget my camera to capture everything that will remind me how life is so damn good before I face and conquer Brunei!

POEA, here I come!

To all my dear friends, here’s an update on my brunei journey. I just finished the first phase of my medical examination and the results will be out on monday. Basically, this coming Monday will definitely and officially prove that I will be leaving the country. As we all know, anyone who wants to work abroad should pass the medical examination administered by the accredited clinics. And so, wish me luck! I’m just thinking positive that I will pass. On the other hand, tons of different thoughts flooded my mind on my way home. Imagine, if i’ll pass that medical examination, I have at least 2 weeks left to be with my family and friends. In short, I have to budget the remaining days! Plus, I’m still undecided if i’ll have a full blown despedida partee or just pocket get together with friends. Well, I’ll just figure it out after I got the results on my medical examination on monday. Goodluck to me! Surprisingly, what gives me the positivity after all these yearsis my faith in God! He gave me this gift and I wholeheartedly trust him whatever plans he has for me! So be it!

Finally, last January 8, 2007, while I was having my haircut at SM Fairview, I got a text message from my brother saying that he just recieved my working visa through UPS. Of course, though I’m still confused, I jumped for joy.I even hurriedly went home to check if my brother was not joking. And when I got home, honestly, the reaction on my face was really indescribable! I said to myself that finally I got my working visa from Brunei and everything is real!. I felt like losing my sanity because of the mixed emotions pouring! The feeling was just heavy that my blood pressure went wild! It really made my day ecstatic and glow yet I’m also kinda saddened because it only means that I have only a month left to spent time with my family, dear friends, and my mother country- ang mahal kong Pilipinas! However, though homesickness is expected to affect me as soon as I live the life of an OFW, The only things that are motivating me and giving me strength are the work experiences I could harbor which I could use as an advantage to apply to other countries and hopefull study abroad, the support from my family and friends, and most especially, my trust to God. I know that God will help, guide,and strengthen me on this new adventurous journey he gave me! I’m just lucky that eveything is taking into place slowly and surely. And as a thanksgiving to this wonderful gift, I offered a thanksgiving mass this sunday. I just felt blessed because I never thought this will come true and I will be given an oppurtunity to work abroad which I really never imagined. Through the internet’s aide, perseverance, and tons of fighting spirit, here I am, a step closer in fulfilling a mission in this world. Thank you God!

And so, the next steps are have my medical examination, file my papers at POEA, and wait for my plane ticket! Wish me luck!